About two months ago, I was diagnosed as bipolar after my first manic episode. While it is a bit later for me to be diagnosed, as I am 30, it was induced by the anti-depressant I was on. Now this is something I will battle for the rest of my life.
I’ve seen multiple psychiatrists, therapists and there are a lot of different medication names thrown my way and I’ll probably be on and off a few of them as the doctors figure out what my correct cocktail of drugs are to keep my symptoms as much at bay as we can. Something I have had to accept is that I will never fully be able to prevent an episode – it will happen again. But it is about learning the early warning signs and getting help before it gets worse, and into a full-blown attack.
The range of emotions I have felt over the last two months has been like a roller coaster. This is somewhat normal as I am still balancing out with each increase of my medication. I have already had a small hypomanic episode that I worked through. But I am hyper aware of every emotion I am feeling. It is the fear that it could quickly snowball into an episode. I track my moods, sleep, irritability, and anxiety everyday to look for patterns. This is all still so new to me and I know that this is not going to be a road without a few bumps.
The only people that know are my parents, brother, boyfriend and best friend. So why would I create a blog being so open about this diagnosis? I plan to be anonymous on here for as long as I do not feel comfortable letting others know about this part of me. But I want to help erase a stigma about this disorder. I think everyone, including my own mother, think of bipolar and imagine what is seen in a movie or TV show. Someone who struggles with medication and psychiatric help. They seem off balance and yelling, acting out, and seem out of control. That is not how it is for everyone. I have started to talk to many people. People who go to work every day and are good at their jobs. People with families. People who are in the medical profession. People who are every much like anyone without this diagnosis. Will there be days that is not quite the case? Sure. That is all part of this journey. But, on a whole, you might never be able to tell that the person next to you is bipolar.
Schedule is important. I try to wake up, take my pills, shower, work and do my coping skills (sudoku puzzles) the same times every day. When I start to feel anxious, restless or like I’m not in control with my emotions, I stop, I breathe and even if it is the middle of the work day, I do a sudoku puzzle. Just to get me back in the present and ready to complete the rest of my day. I am also trying to go back to the things I loved before depression, anxiety and eventually this bipolar diagnosis controlled my life, and I couldn’t do anything at all. That is where the Beauty in my blog name comes from – I love anything and everything beauty related. Make-up, skincare, nails, hair, you name it, I love it. I could talk for days about this topic. I have learned a lot and have so much to say on the topic. It is a passion of mine that I let fall away from me. I am not the best at any of it and I certainly don’t know everything, but I can give my opinion, let people what worked for me and what totally didn’t. It will give me purpose, give me a hobby while, I hope, proving that people with my diagnosis do not need to be stigmatized. We really are just like anyone else. But we just need to try harder to stay that way.
I hope that this blog becomes a safe space. Somewhere to share the best tips, the best products and somewhere to sort thoughts out. I am not a doctor; I am not a dermatologist or esthetician – everything that I say my own experience or opinion.
Last thing I will say is a plea – if you need help, please reach out. Whether it is to a family member, a friend, a loved one, even myself. You matter. You are here for a reason. There is help out there. It might not be easy, it might get messy, but it is worth because you will be here.
Suicide Prevention Hotline Website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Phone Number: 1-800-273-8255
My email is email@example.com.
Things coming up: my current skincare routine, 5 product make-up routine, holy grails in make-up and skincare, what I can not live without (all things beauty) and more!
Add in the comments if you have been diagnosed with a mental health (or any other) disorder or if a love one has. It will be connect with as many of you as I can!
Stay well everyone xx